day three…

today has felt a bit like slogging through the mire. rounding catching up with me? or just the heat of summer? one can always place some harmless blame on fairfield itself eh? sure, no harm there. i figure i may be writing off some of my intensities while i’m here. an attempt to keep me sane or something….

so i’m enjoying myself. one can do anything for a month can’t one? yes. one can. i can do fairfield for a month mos def. sometimes i get an itch to want to stay. then it passes. thankfully the relative has been treating me quite well lately. so i have no excuses or need to stay at this point. and am certainly not needing to run away from anything. (finally!) rather refreshing really.

currently life has felt quite seamless in fact. super fluid. i wonder if that will last avec le rounding. or will my inner muck get stirred and shaken? i had a moment yesterday. “what is this annoying and familiar head space that just attacked me? oh god! is this depression?” then it passed. whew. duck and dodge. today it was a moment of boredom. oh yes, just the fairfield compression mixed with a little meditation and a pinch of unstressing. frankly it would be impossible not to have a moment or two of it. have you ever been here? of course my last few days of “rounding” have mostly been deep, unadulterated sleep. cleaning house, right? sure.

then of course there’s the whole “familiar faces popping out of the woodwork” scenario. my worlds keep collapsing. (there must be an adyantya abhava joke in there somewhere.) why is this so bizarro? their dramas have continued this last year. would i expect anything less? who needs television. just kick it on your porch for awhile and listen with amusement. ah the fairfield soap opera some call life. what’s more bizarro perhaps is the dome. same oddities. same noises. same distasteful sights. are people miserable or do they just look the part? its impossible to tell truths in this environment. ahh kali yug? or?

i must however quit looking at my jyotish books. it is starting to drive me crazy. i get to a certain point with it where it is just sheer mind fuckery. enough! everything is divine and unfolding gracefully. and of course i have much more to say that i would not dare write on a mediocre blog for all to see. but love matters do exist as much as i deny it…

thank god for lululemon. i never realized how just a simple pair of velocity crops and a deep v tank could make life more bareable, more exciting and of course draw multiple stares….is it the way i match my blacks? undeniable style? or maybe even the pink streak in my hair? give ‘em something to look at i say. jah bless it.

tomorrow is day four….

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